#67 Home Sweet home or cultural nightmare?!

So guys... I'm back to Germany (duh) and after pushing this away from me for a loong time,.. I finally decided that it's time to finish up here.
On June 18th I had to leave my amazing family and boarded the plane that would bring me back to a life that I didn't call mine anymore. This time I thankfully made the trip without any complications and without missing a flight.
It's kinda a strange and weird feeling, sitting at an airport all alone, sobbing while reading goodbye letters your family gave you.
I mean, how could anyone around you understand what this feels like?
After almost 24 hours, I finally arrived 'home'. Should I even say 'finally'? It's not like I looked forward to leave everything behind again.
But then the moment came and I walked out of the airport, seeing my family waving with a big sign that said: 'Welcome back!'
I'm not gonna lie- it was a bit overwhelming. My friend was also there and after I greeted them and said the first sentences, I noticed that everyone was staring at me. Apparently I had talked in English the whole time. Has that happened to any of you guys? It's the weirdest feeling!
The first time I walked into my house, I stopped for a second and took a breath in to see what it smells like.
That moment was really important to me because you don't know how your house smells like when you live in it, because you get used to it...
The only thing I remember of that moment though is that I indeed smelled something. I already can't remember what though :D
Soo anyways... What should I say? It was really hard for me to get used to my 'old life'.
Because no matter what, I have changed during that year. And even though I some of these changes already fade away a little, I still became a different person and I will never go back to who I was before.
I see everything in a different light now and have a whole different perspective on life.
And even after 3 months of being back, I still miss my American family ever day.
Sorry guys but I can't give you a full report on my emotional feelings... It's too hard to put into words.
This was definetely the hardest goodbye I ever had in my life, and probably will ever have,.
One more thing I want to share with you guys...
I've come to believe that everyone has something that will make them truly happy... And many people will never find that in their life. Let it be a significant other who you love with all your heart or the job that brings you so much joy...
Well, even though I'm only 17, I believe that I have found true happiness.
I've found the place where I could be myself and that made me a better person.
I have found my real smile that even lights up my eyes.
And for that feeling, I would give anything.
So if you ever debate if it's worth it to do an exchange year... Think about that you might be able to find true happiness!

I started school today, it's a new school and a whole new beginning! The exchange year helped me have a look at my future so now I already have a plan,.. I have three more years of school and then want to do an Aupair year in either Australia or New Zealand.. After that I'll probably go back to Germany to study on an University (Maybe becoming a Psychiatrist)....
So yes! This is it. This is the last post on this blog (probably).
I wanna thank all of you guys who kept reading my posts and I hope I helped some of you with sharing my experience....
For all of you guys who will still go abroad... Have fun! And never stop dreaming :)

Ohh cornfields... I'll miss you!

We took this picture at our goodbye party :)

#66 What happened?? Second Suitcase, Finals & Michigan

Soo... Somebody tell me where did the time go? Like seriously, there has to be somebody who stole it from me because I honestly can't believe that I officially have less than a month left. LESS than a month. Wow. Let's not try to put my feelings into words cause I would fail anyways. Only exchange students know what I'm going through.
The worst part about only having a month left is that you try to do as much as you can in that short time period. That means you ALWAYS have something going on and you are completely booked out until the day you leave. And everybody knows, the busier you are, the faster time flies by.
Also, it sucks to have so much going on because all the graduation parties are going on and some of them fall on the same day and you have to choose.
So, I also have one happy thing to tell you about before I return to my sadness.
Last weekend we planned on going camping but the weather was miserable so I canceled and said we would go on a day trip to Michigan on Sunday instead. Well, I went to a graduation party on saturday and I was the only one from my family who went early to help set up and when they finally showed up too, they told me that we will leave that day!! So we had to go home, hurry up and leave.
YAY! I got to go o Michigan!! And the first thing my sister told me when we passed the state line: Look, trees!! :D haha. To clarify, there are not many trees in Indiana, just cornfields.
So we spent the night and the day with family and friends in Michigan until we returned home on Sunday. It was a good weekend and I had a good time!
Since I bought tons of stuff here in America, there was no way I would get away without buying a second suitcase. I'm happy I did that already because now I only have to stress out about how to fit all my things into two suitcases.
Since its the last week of school, we have finals. Wuhoo! But there is this really cool, new policy that lets you exempt finals in classes where you have an A or a B and perfect attendance. This only counts for classes that aren't math or english but since I have so many "fun" classes, I was able to exempt three! So I don't have to take finals in Business Law, Sociology or American Studies (In that class I was only able to exempt the history part, not the english part).
That also means that I only have three finals and today I had none so I'm in school doing nothing ^^.
Well, I watched a movie in the lecture room and then went to hang out with Cherry in VS :)
I lost my thought.. LESS THAN A MONTH GUY!

#65 Things I'll miss about America

Since I only have 31 days left, I thought it would be time to do this post.. Wow, I can't believe I already reached this point in my exchange year. There are still no words to describe the feelings going on inside of me right now. I hope you have fun reading these and maybe (if you are an exchange student) you can identify with some of them.

#1 Shopping on Sundays 
I think every exchange student in America knows what I'm talking about!!! Isn't it awesome if most stores are open on sundays? Right now I'm so used to go shopping with friends on a sunday and we all know it's not like this in Germany so I will really miss that option!

#2 Indiana Roads 
Yes, I will miss these endless seeming, straight roads that are bumpy and full of holes. I'll miss seeing cornfields, cornfields and more cornfields when I look out the window. Indiana roads is something only people who have been to Indiana understand. And I love them!

#3 High School 

I only have five days of High School left. And then I'll never return. Ever. Wow. That is what seniors have to deal with but at least they had 4 years of High School and most of them hate it anyways (they don't know how good they have it).. But yeah, even though my school here is, uhm.. let's say unique, I still love it! The friendly relations to the teachers or the easy classes, it's just so different than back in Germany! I will miss going on these (really, REALLY uncomfy) yellow school buses to go on field trips. I'll miss saying the pledge of allegiance before school starts and I'll miss having lunch that doesn't even suck that much. Who would have thought that I would ever say: I'll miss school?!

#4 Country Life 
When your house is in the middle of cornfields (not even kidding, cornfields on every side of your house!) and the next town is a five minute car ride away from you and all it has is a subway and a dollar general (but at least three churches) then you know you live in the country! Well, that probably doesn't count for everybody but that's how it is here. And I'll tell you, country life comes with its own side effects! For example are people showing up at your house randomly all the times. And I don't mean, they ring the bell (cause we don't even have one!) no they just enter because you don't lock your house anyways :D And you have at least one dog or one cat but mostly a bunch of each. Ever heard of 4-H? Of course, your children are part of it! You want milk for your cereal? Goat milk is available at all times... Want to hang out after church on sunday? Let's meet at your house and shoot some guns. That's how life works for most people here. Oh.. and if you ask: where do you go to school? You most likely get the answer: I'm home schooled!
That is how my life is here. That is what I love so much! The moment when all channels you get in the car are either country or christian music. The moment when you don't have to go to school because of fog. The moment you see road kills every two miles (ore more often). It's all part of it. Oh my, how I'll miss this!!

#5 Free Refills/Water 
One thing that I really appreciate about American Restaurants or Fast Food places is that they offer free refills for your pop and you get water for free! In Germany we have to pay for the water, which is really annoying. Here, I always get water with my meal cause its free and I'm not a big fan of pop.
Besides that, pop is so much cheaper here! I don't know if that's a good thing or not, cause people also drink much much more pop here than we do in Germany!

#6 Panda Express, Taco Bell & Co
There are millions of different fast food places here and I'll miss some of them! Like Panda Express, the best fake chinese food I ever had! Or Dairy Queen with the delicious blizzard ice cream, and Taco Bell with, well.. Tacos :D In my ten months here I got to try many of the fast food places and I wished I could take some of them back to Germany!!!

#7 Youth Group 
I definitely had the best friends times in Youth group. That is the church meeting for teens on wednesday. I found so many good friends there and every wednesday we have a blast!! I will miss that hang out time so much when I go back to Germany. Nobody understands how close you can grow to people in that one day a week. Also, the special thing is that everybody accepts you the way you are and you can be yourself!!!

#8 A house full of people
I lived in a house with 11 other people for then months. In 4 weeks I'll go back to living with 2 people and being alone a lot of times. It will be different and it  will be so weird! Giving up all my amazing siblings for being alone again is probably the hardest thing to do. You guys probably think: 11?! That's just crazy!! And yes, it is crazy, but in the best way! You always have something going on, somebody to talk to and people to help you.

That's all for now. I'll update it if something else comes to my mind. Until that, enjoy your time wherever you are!!

#64 Washington DC, Prom, Chicago...

Just to let you guys know, this trip was beyond amazing!!! I loved it so much and I'm sad that the time passed so fast.. I won't go too much into detail about what exactly we did but I will show you guys a bunch of pictures!! So if you ever have the chance to go on a senior trip with your High School, DO IT! It's worth the money even if it appears expensive at first. Actually, I don't have many pictures of the trip on my tablet yet so I'll just include some pictures of Prom too... YES! Prom already happened!!!

Prom was awesome! But I do have to say that I have the opinion that people make too big of a deal out if it... Some girls spend $700 on their dresses!!! Not even kidding! They also spend $60 on their nails and an extra $100 on their hair. Not to mention that we still had to pay $30 for a Prom ticket (if you didn't have a date). Ohh.. And don't forget about shoes!!
Thankfully I have awesome sisters who did my hair and nails so I didn't have to pay any for that. I also was lucky enough to find a dress for 60 bucks! :)
Prom itself was fun with all my friends but all it was was basically just dancing in a fancy building. Don't get me wrong, I loved it! I just think its too much of a thing here in America and I wouldn't spent a fortune on it. But now, enjoy some pictures!!

I made my corsage by myself (no date problem) and Cherry did too.
She actually made hers out of paper!

In the end, Cherry was my prom date.. I asked her on the day of Prom :D But that's a
long story.....

The monday after Prom was Senior skip day.. Yap that's actually a thing in the USA and its basically just a day where the seniors skip school. So of course Cherry and I took the chance and didn't go to school.. Better yet, we used the extra time to go on a road trip to CHICAGO! Together with two of our sisters, the boyfriend of one and 3 other exchange students from Italy and China, we left on monday morning in a van. Only that the van broke down in the middle of a highway somewhere in nowhere... So we spent some time with small town people (including 2 cops) in a tow office. It was like in the movies! Small town talk!! We actually made it to Chicago in a 2 hours delay and had an awesome day with speed sightseeing. Ever heard of Garret's Popcorn? If you get the chance to go to Chicago, try it!!!! Pictures will follow later :)) I also had the chance to go to Chipotle for the first time and goodness, its sooo good!!! One advise, if you don't like spicy, don't order the chicken.. Cherry, who hates anything spicy, was disappointed to find her meal that didn't contain any sauces to prevent it from being hot, spicy.. "It's a trap" she said :D

#63 Spring Break

Note: I started writing this post last monday and it's now tuesday, one week after it. So some time has passsed, haha :D

Last monday: Unbelievable... Spring Break is already over and I am sitting in class gain. Yaay!.. Notice the sarcasm. Even though I didn't go to Florida like 90% of every high school student, I still had an awesome week. I hung out with friends and my family, made German pancakes and soup with bread for them and I also went through a 4-day cleansing with one of my older sisters. That means: no food, only water and a special drink made out of lemon, water, pure maple syrup and cayenne pepper. I tell you guys, you'll get sick of that drink faster than you think!

Now (tuesday) Guys I'm sooo excited!!! It's tuesday, the day we are going to leave for the senior trip to Washington DC! I can't believe time passed so fast that it is already that time of the year. The bus will leave at 6pm today and we will drive overnight and will get to Washington DC around 4:30am in the morning. The week will be really exhausting, we will be on our feet all day until sunday.
But I am soo happy! Sadly it also means that we have less than 2 months left until I have to go back to Germany.. That is nothing :( America is really crazy and paranoid. We had to leave our luggage this morning in the school and they will use police dogs to look for drugs and will open every bag to search for weapons.. Isn't that a little too much?! I mean compared to Germany where they don't even check anything.. :D But okay, I don't have anything to hide so I don't really care.
We have so many baby goats at home right now, it's 7 cute little babies and 5 goats are still pregnant.
Cherry and I even got to watch a goat having her baby which was an experience. It's really cute when they try to take their first steps.
We have lots of things planned for the next months and time will run faster and faster. My emotions are all mixed up and I don't want this to end....
Oh well! That's all for now!

#62 You know you're from Indiana, when...

I just saw something like this on another blog and I thought it would be a great idea so I did my research and I found so many things that relate to my life :D It's awesome!!!

Oh yeah.. That's all they talk about. 4-H...

I thought its normal haha

hahaha so true :D

Delicious! Especially at cold football games

had one cancellation and at least 4 delays due to fog.. (last one just yesterday)

yeep. 

Yas! I learned it and everybody plays it.

perfect description. We can go from summer to winter in 2 hours.

#61 What it means to be an exchange student

I don't know about you guys but I am thinking about these kind of things all the time right now.
My year is ending soon (who would believe that) so I have a lot on my mind.
Today in my american studies class I wrote a little text about these thoughts. Even though I am still here and didn't go back yet, I thought it would be a good idea to post it.

It is hard to describe this feeling. People who don't know how it is to be an exchange student can't relate and others will know what you mean without any explanation.
But how can you put it in words to let your parents and friends back home know what is going on inside of you? How will they ever understand that you cry about going back to them?
My heart is torn apart an I'm divided by two countries I both call home.
Germany - where I've been born and raised. The place with all my childhood memories and people that mean the world to me.
Indiana - the state I fell in love with in such a short amount of time and the place where I met my second family that fills my heart with joy everyday.
It has become my life, my home, my everything.
How can anybody expect me to o leave that all behind? They say you can always come back but it will never be the same as it was before. You will be a visitor instead of somebody who is living there.
People have moved on, started to forget about the girl with the funny accent or the boy who rocked the soccer team.
And you will notice. And it will hurt.
It already started. The sadness that creeps up inside of you when people are making plans for the times when you are already gone. It's painful, not lying. Of course you will never lose the memories or the feeling of home but it comes with a side-effect - The constant missing of a life you will never get back.
In some ways it's like a breakup. A breakup with the person you've become during the year and who will stay behind in some parts.
You will come back to your own life, but not as a whole.
 I'm afraid that I will never get over it. But just as a real breakup, I know I will.
Only that there will always be that hole inside of you, even if it gets smaller with time, it will never disappear. You won't feel it everyday but from now to then, there will be something that brings back memories - maybe it' the flag of your state that you see in a movie or a song you used to listen to when you were away. And then the hole will start hurting again, and you will be sad. People around you won't understand and all you want to do is going back in time and hug those people that were part of your year.
Most of us don't realize what it really means to be an exchange student before we come here. We see it as a fun adventure, a short period of time compared to the rest of our lives.We all find out that we are wrong. Even if we don't expect it, we find ourselves lost in the new world, seeing it as our lives now. So it's not just an adventure you can come home from, it is a new life that you begin and that life won't just stop. So what people should know is that as exchange students, we give up parts of ourselves. We get all the amazing experiences and memories in exchange but in the end we will never get back what we have give. Change That is what we all do. We become this new person that had left parts of themselves in the new life and when we come back, we are different.
Your friends don't understand why you act so weird and what happened that you are not the same anymore. And you wonder why it feels so different to be home.
In don't know if it's just but it all feels more like a dream to me. Even when I was sitting in the airplane I still couldn't believe this was really gonna happen. And now - 7 months later that feeling hasn't disappeared. Sometimes I find myself thinking that this can't be real - but it is.
The time is running out. 3 months. That's all I have left. I try my best to make the best out of it but in someways it's like facing my death. The death of a life I love so much.
That's what we all have to go through, that's what makes us exchange students.
And it's worth it.