This, That & Everything

4 months. That's all I have left. And to be honest, I seriously can't believe it. The time ran by so fast and it get's faster and faster every second. I try to get the most out if it but it feels like it's just rushing by. I am in the constant fear of missing out on something and that makes me nervous. I mean even though it's still hard for me to realize but this is the year of my life. And it's the only ONE year of my life. Everything that I take for granted right now will be gone soon forever. There is no going back to this life that I am living right now. I will go back to what I left behind like this never happened.

And it's not like only my american life feels like a dream, the one that I will go back to feels as unreal as this one. I don't remember how I felt before I came here. I don't remember the Leah I left behind because I created a new version of myself here and this Leah only knows this life. Everything changed, the way I look at things, the way I act around people... The culture here is so different and I learned to live with it, even better, I learned to love it. I love that you can be yourself and nobody judges you - and even if somebody judges you, you won't care because there is always somebody on your side. I don't care about other peoples opinions anymore. Playing games like Yugioh is lame, right? Guess what, here in America a lot of people play it and nobody says anything. 

My family here doesn't have Wifi, in Germany I would not have survived that but with 9 siblings and a whole new life I got to get used to not having internet. We play card games and watch movies together instead. I have so many more people I talk to here. Socializing has become way more easy for me. But I think I lost my point.. Anyways, I love it here. I made so many new experiences and I got a new home that really feels like a home. The rules I have to obey, the love my siblings give to me.  I am just really happy here and it will be so sad when I have  to  go home. I mean how are you supposed to leave a life behind when you know you will never have it back? I don't know why it was so much easier for me to leave my old life behind, probably because I knew I would come back and that it would be a great opportunity. It is a great opportunity indeed but it messes up everything.
I know that I will have to leave my friends and new  family behind and I will go back to Germany, to my old life with all these memories, inside jokes  and experiences and I will have no one who can relate to me. "Do u remember when we tried to hide from the principle- Oh wait no, I forgot you weren't there". And I have to give up this language again and everybody will talk German around me, how weird is that? High School became my school and I love it. I love how it works, even though I doubt it  gives the student the right kind of education but it feels so much better! The teacher are so nice, you can talk to them like friends and the classes are way more fun (I mean, cooking... How cool is that?) But yeah, I think about that a lot recently and it upsets me. In the moment I'm just living my everyday life. I just recovered from having a cold again and today I was SUCCESSFUL! I managed to change my third period class into creative writing even though we are already four weeks into the semester. I'm kinda proud of myself because I didn't give up. When I first talked to my guidance counselor, she said that there wasn't much she could do because you are not supposed to change classes anymore after the first week of school. But then I talked to my friend from creative writing about it and she said she would talk to her teacher. The teacher told me it was fine for her and that she would talk to my counselor. And guess what, I GOT IN! I am so happy about that. The only thing that is sad about it is that I kinda liked the teacher. He was one of the nice ones and he was always a bit funny. I wished time would start to run a little bit less fast.